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Post by postscript on Jun 23, 2007 16:57:49 GMT
Hello Peter and Dave!  187 + 185 + 196 + 202 + 205 = 975. I can't find that post yet!  Richard  For the moment I was waiting to catch up with posts before modifying, The 185 should have been 195. I'll look into the others shortly. Peter S. Okay Richard--you caught me out--I've just twigged! Peter S. |
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Post by mariannek on Jun 27, 2007 6:31:48 GMT
Okay Grant, I'll come out now. And I'll try to redeem myself with a couple more jokes. If these don't work then please help me? Send me to clown school or something? Hickory, dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries. What do you call a dog with no legs? Anything you want because it won't come when you call anyway! A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. <3 Caite That's better Caite!! I understand those - particularly like the "https://i.postimg.cc/9fYxy370/smilie-big-grin.gifog with no legs" one. You just have to be a bit more obvious for us simple English folk!  Love Grant Hey Caite, I liked those jokes !! But I felt sorry for the dog without legs...and those poor mice ! Just proves it, doesn't it ...I haven't got a sense of humour ! Love, Marianne  |
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Post by meldy on Jun 27, 2007 9:13:03 GMT
Okay Grant, I'll come out now. And I'll try to redeem myself with a couple more jokes. If these don't work then please help me? Send me to clown school or something? Hickory, dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries. What do you call a dog with no legs? Anything you want because it won't come when you call anyway! A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. <3 Caite Those really got me laughing Caite :2fun: The show "The Nanny" cracks me up all the time, the butler Niles is just so witty  |
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Dave
Administrator
HWI Admin
Posts: 7,700
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Post by Dave on Jun 29, 2007 15:56:04 GMT
Hello everyone! This is more of a peculiarity than a joke but anyway, here it is. The landlord of "The Horse and Jockey" public house has just had his sign re-painted. The sign writer asks him if he likes the new sign. The landlord says it's not quite right because there is not enough space between Horse and and and and and Jockey.And and and and and... and it seems to make reasonably good English. Oh, I just made it six! And a good day to you all! Dave |
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Post by meldy on Jul 2, 2007 21:26:44 GMT
That's a little ironic Dave Meldy |
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Post by bobcochran on Jul 20, 2007 0:28:03 GMT
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Post by graemek on Jul 20, 2007 1:58:34 GMT
Hi All. I laughed my head off when I saw this. I'm not being disrespectful of either the The Dalai Lama or of Hayley. Its just that Hayley keeps popping up with yet another influential person and I keep asking myself: Who's next??? i.postimg.cc/9fYxy370/smilie-big-grin.gif Thanks Stephany for the pic....a scoop. Graeme |
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Post by comet on Jul 20, 2007 9:42:06 GMT
Hi Folks. I am delighted to see Hayley and the Dalai Lama together in this picture. for some reason it comes as no surprise to see them together. I suspect in many ways they are of like mind, both strong but gentle. comet PS I wonder who's handprints are on the panel to the right ? |
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Post by postscript on Jul 22, 2007 12:38:29 GMT
The One We Forgot—for the Lady who asked me on the Sunday if I remembered it, I had noted it on my Dictaphone after all.
There was a debate about the value different people gave to society as a whole, rather like the old balloon debate where you decide who should be the next person thrown out to save the balloon and the rest of its occupants from falling seawards.
One person had a particular angst against musicians whom he considered totally superfluous to any need what so ever. In trying to raise this individual’s appreciation of the value of musical art, he said, ‘Well, let’s take a conductor, responsible for conducting as many as a 1,000 singers and instrumentalists. That’s a very demanding job requiring great insight. What weight would you give him?’ ‘About two-and-a-half pounds…. That’s including the urn!’
One of the two New Zealand jokes I hadn’t heard involved a chap called Gazzer whom I understand is a footballer and keen on pork butties. When touring New Zealand the land of 4 million people and 75 million sheep, he went into a café and asked for a pork butty. ‘Sorry, we don’t have any of those.’ ‘Don’t have pork butties in a land with 75 million sheep!’ Gazzer was flabbergasted apparently.
The other New Zealand joke was about a young man in a flashy sports car touring New Zealand on holiday and who was exasperated at being held up by a farmer counting his sheep through the gate of the field into which they were wandering. ‘Look.' said the young man getting very impatient. ‘I’ll make a wager with you. If I tell you how many sheep you have will you let me have one of them?’ ‘Sure,’ said the farmer.
So the young man re-jigged his satellite road map to connect with Google Earth, located his position, increased the scale so it showed the field and all the sheep as individual items and set his calculator to work out how many were there.
‘1,101’, he said. ‘That’s right,’ said the shepherd, ‘select a sheep.’ The young man looked over the sheep and then selected an animal that looked somewhat on the thin side but seemed more energetic than the others and bundled it into his car. As he turned to go the farmer stood in his way.
‘How about letting me have a wager with you?’
‘Fine,’ the young man said, ‘that seems fair enough. What’s the wager?’
‘If I tell you what your occupation is can I have my animal back?’
‘Sure,’ said the young man.
‘You’re a management consultant,’ the farmer said.
‘That’s right,’ the young man said, surprised. ‘How did you work that out?’
‘First, you told me an answer I already knew to a question I never asked you to answer. Second, it is obvious that you know absolutely nothing what ever about my business yet you presume to advise me on it. Now, can I have my dog back, please.’
Peter S.
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Post by comet on Jul 24, 2007 20:20:13 GMT
Mr. X and his girlfriend are sitting listening to Hayley. The girlfriend says " Honey, sometimes I think you love Hayley nearly as much as you love me " and he replies: " oh no darling, you have that wrong, I love Hayley MORE . "
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Post by meldy on Jul 25, 2007 7:00:57 GMT
Comet, Mr. X's girlfriend won't be so happy ‘First, you told me an answer I already knew to a question I never asked you to answer. Second, it is obvious that you know absolutely nothing what ever about my business yet you presume to advise me on it. Now, can I have my dog back, please.’ Peter S. Peter, "Now can I have my dog back, please" That farmer really showed him Meldy |
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Post by graemek on Oct 23, 2007 8:50:36 GMT
Everybody loves taking the mickey out of bureaucracy of all types. This one is an attempt to explain a missile guidance system to the "layman". Its an Mp3 of only 1.53 Mb. www.mediafire.com/?5osjhzbwtaoEnjoy, Graeme |
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Post by Richard on Aug 13, 2008 15:02:04 GMT
Now we know why the HMV dog is called Nipper! Richard |
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Post by milewalker on Aug 14, 2008 0:54:16 GMT
Now we know why the HMV dog is called Nipper! Richard This came up once before (possibly on a different forum far far away) and I never asked about it. Is there any relationship between the HMV dog and the old RCA Victor logo? I am not sure of this, but I believe I have seen some versions of this a long time ago which included the words " His Majesty's Voice..... Jon |
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Joe
Administrator
Supporting Hayley since 2003!
Posts: 6,715 
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Post by Joe on Aug 14, 2008 2:39:23 GMT
This came up once before (possibly on a different forum far far away) and I never asked about it. Is there any relationship between the HMV dog and the old RCA Victor logo? I am not sure of this, but I believe I have seen some versions of this a long time ago which included the words " His Majesty's Voice..... Jon Hi Jon! I know all about Nipper! There's a little bit about him in one of my old posts here ...there are two links to a very good Nipper site. Enjoy Joe |
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