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Post by grant on Jun 21, 2007 18:20:34 GMT
OK. Try this one. Q: How do you get 4 elephants in a mini? A: Easy! Two in the front, two in the back!! Q: OK, so how do you get 4 giraffs in a mini? A: You Can't! Q: Why not? A: 'cos it's full of elephants, silly!!  Grant beats a hast retreat |
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Post by roger on Jun 21, 2007 18:38:47 GMT
There were three Native American Indian ladies, all of whom fell pregnant at approximately the same time. As is their tradition, they chose to give birth not on a bed but on an animal skin of their choice.
The first lay on the skin of a bison and gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. All together now... Aaaah!
The second lay on the skin of a grizzly bear and she also gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. Aaaaah! Louder! Aaaaaaaah. That's better!
The third, whose husband had recently returned from an expedition in darkest Africa, lay on the skin of a hippo and she gave birth two twin boys. Double aaaaaah (as in ferret... oh, never mind!).
Of course, this goes to prove that:
The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides!
Best wishes,
Pythagoras!
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Martin
Global Moderator
HWI Management Team
Posts: 3,339
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Post by Martin on Jun 21, 2007 20:12:34 GMT
For all Spike Milligan fans this is one of his famous jokes:
Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?'
Martin
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Martin
Global Moderator
HWI Management Team
Posts: 3,339
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Post by Martin on Jun 21, 2007 20:21:41 GMT
Sorry three more:
My uncle is an agnostic. He also suffers from insommnia and dyslexia.
He lies awake every night wondering if there really is a Dog.
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A blonde is stopped by a policeman because she has a lion in the back of her car.
"That animal is dangerous," says the policeman, "take it to the nearest zoo."
"OK, I'll do that" she replies
The following week he stops the same girl with the same lion in the back of her car.
"I thought I told you to take that animal to the zoo!" he says
"Oh I did officer," she replies, "and he liked it so much that I'm taking him to the beach today!"
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were on a camping trip. On the first night they were lying in their camp beds and looking up. Holmes said, "Look at the stars Watson, imagine the vastness of space and the millions of stars that we can see. What does that mean to you?
Watson replied, " Well it shows the insignificance of man and the power of the almighty who created such a wondrous universe"
"No Watson" Holmes retorts,"It means our damn tent has been stolen!"
Martin
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Post by mariannek on Jun 22, 2007 0:36:58 GMT
For all Spike Milligan fans this is one of his famous jokes: Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?' Martin Hi Martin, That is so funny as well as the other ones...I actually understood all the jokes...laughing out loud !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for the fun !!! Love, Marianne  |
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Post by mariannek on Jun 22, 2007 0:39:46 GMT
Hi Roger, Thank you for the joke ?? I did try to laugh, believe me !! Martin's jokes are funnier !! SORRY ! Love, Marianne |
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Post by mariannek on Jun 22, 2007 0:44:23 GMT
I guess what makes me laugh doesn't make others? Just think about it - a drive-by cabbaging. You know, like a drive-by shooting only with a cabbage? Alright. I'll go hide in my corner now. <3 Caite Hi Caite, That is exactly what I thought...but I couldn't get the funny side of it...SORRY ! Then again I am a bit thick when it comes to getting jokes...just ask my sons !!! Keep them coming, Caite ! Love, Marianne |
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melissa
Junior Member 
It's amazing how life has changed.
Posts: 81
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Post by melissa on Jun 22, 2007 5:29:34 GMT
Haha  Cabbage.  I thought this one was funny. One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. Curious, the little girl looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?" |
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Post by mariannek on Jun 22, 2007 7:32:21 GMT
Haha Cabbage.  I thought this one was funny. One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. Curious, the little girl looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?" Hi Melissa, Yes, that was FUNNY !!! Clever little smarty pants !! I can never remember a joke, not even the funniest one !!  Keep them coming...a laugh a day keeps the doctor away !! Not funny, I know !   Love, Marianne |
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Post by Richard on Jun 22, 2007 7:58:29 GMT
I've told this one before, but it's probably possibly worth repeating for the benefit of our newer members. A cannibal went on holiday and it cost him an arm and a leg. He went self-catering!  Richard  |
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Post by milewalker on Jun 22, 2007 19:12:02 GMT
I am suggesting that this is not for telling jokes--there is a thread for that. 'What Makes You Laugh' I would suggest is an entirely different approach on discussing the NATURE OF humour. Peter S. Hi Peter, Is something like this what you initially had in mind? Humor is an interupted defense mechanism. In order to be perceived as funny, the event, observation, or joke must first be "threatening" to us on some level. If this seems like an odd concept, note how much we associate violence with humor without even thinking about it. For example (with a nod to George Carlin) "slapstick", "punch line", "gag", "he cracked me up", "I was in stitches", "I busted a gut laughing". A very funny commedian is a "riot" - one who is not so successful is said to "bomb" As far as I know, there is no exception to this rule. Even the most innocuous types of humor involve something which would be painful or embarrasing to the subject of the joke. For an individual to find something funny, it must hit close enough to home to trigger the defense mechanism without crossing the line that that individual draws between the merely threatening and the offensive. There is no therefore no form of humor which might not be found offensive by *someone". It all depends on where each person draws the line - and that process is totally subjective. This is why jokes about politics, sexuality, and religion are so sensitive. It also explains why some people will find a particular joke funny and others will not, even if they dont find it offensive. Two cannibals were eating a clown. One of them said to the other "does this taste funny to you"?. I find it very interesting - not to mention instructive - that a joke involving eating someone is OK here, but a whole variety of jokes about much more everyday human interactions would likely not be.... Jon - who is collecting money to start a shelter for battered fish..... |
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Post by stevemacdonald on Jun 22, 2007 19:31:23 GMT
Humor is an interupted defense mechanism. In order to be perceived as funny, the event, observation, or joke must first be "threatening" to us on some level. ... Not necessarily. Consider this: Why did the chicken cross the park?
To get to the other slide.Many people perceive this as funny. I could be wrong, but is there really an implied threat here? Will that same chicken attack our loved ones and run off with our iPods and portable chess sets? Sometimes a joke about a cigar is just a joke about a cigar. |
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Post by milewalker on Jun 22, 2007 21:06:30 GMT
Humor is an interupted defense mechanism. In order to be perceived as funny, the event, observation, or joke must first be "threatening" to us on some level. ... Not necessarily. Consider this: Why did the chicken cross the park?
To get to the other slide.Many people perceive this as funny. I could be wrong, but is there really an implied threat here? Will that same chicken attack our loved ones and run off with our iPods and portable chess sets? Sometimes a joke about a cigar is just a joke about a cigar. Heh I didnt say the threat had to be one of personal danger or confrontation - nor did I say that the threat would be perceived equally by all people  In this example, it is a children's joke, which lowers the barrior considerably - the chicken joke is just mostly silly from an adult point of view. Children view the world very differently from adults, because they are still in the process of learning and assimilating concepts that most adults dont have a problem with. In a world where you are still trying to learn the rules - think of your mother telling you to stop being "silly" for example, and then you are confronted with a situation where it is suddenly ok to be silly, that is a threat. Also, the humor such as it is, plays on the ignorance or naivete of the person the joke is told to. A slightly more advanced example of the same thing may illustrate the point a bit better - "If a plane crashes on the border of Arizona and Mexico, in what country do they bury the survivors?" The person who falls for the joke is slightly embarassed. An adult may often find the incongruous funny - like Caite and her cabbage. The humor/"threat" derives from the fact that what happens there is outside the settled order of nature. A lot of people feel that the idea of pigs flying is funny for the same reason (I think ). If the rules of nature dont apply, you are creating a world where many threatening things may happen. Puns are also a special case - they are funny because they use familiar words or phrases to mean something other than they normally mean. In this case the attack such as it is is on logic and language itself. I used to hate school - someone was always detesting and degrading me. Most of the girls simply dismissed me, probably because I always ate chili, making me disgusted and distinct. I tried to go into sales as a career, but was decommissioned. Pig farming didnt work either as I soon become disgruntled. I could go on - but Roger or someone would likely dismember me..... Jon - who woke up last night because he was discovered by his wife..... |
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Post by mariannek on Jun 22, 2007 21:09:21 GMT
Hi Jon, I quite agree with most of your comments...for once...haha !! I loved both the jokes by the way...isn't it funny when we laugh ourselves silly after someone has tripped over or ran into a wall by accident and nearly hurt themselves...instead of showing empathy we can't help ourselves seeing the situation as hilarious...do you know what I mean ?? Billy Connelly uses VERY offensive language but it makes you laugh and laugh...even his irreverent jokes about God and Religion get a belly laugh !! He is a truly funny man !! Well, I think anyway ! Love, Marianne |
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Post by mariannek on Jun 22, 2007 21:10:46 GMT
I've told this one before, but it's probably possibly worth repeating for the benefit of our newer members. A cannibal went on holiday and it cost him an arm and a leg. He went self-catering! Richard Hi Richard, I hadn't heard that one...got a chuckle out of me alright !!! Love, Marianne |
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Cabbage. 
I thought this one was funny.
