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Post by comet on Jul 20, 2009 11:45:35 GMT
Hi Nicola,
I am sory for your loss,
You may well have brought your nan the joy and the strength to pass on,
You were right to choose to visit her of your own accord
and I am sure your nan was well aware you were there and was glad of your company,
You brought her the one thing that all people yearn for (love) and she may then have been happy enough to let go.
Keep something of your nan's a cd she loved to play or knitting needles or something she used regularly,
Talk to her still, not sad things, just ordinary things, funny things and after a while your pain will ease.
Her pain is over and you helped to ease it for her.
My mother is in her eighties and has suffered a few strokes recently,
she does not want to live in nursing homes, She has also said she would be happy enough to die now,
at home rather than live completely dependent on others.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
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Post by amptique on Jul 20, 2009 13:24:20 GMT
Dear Nicola,
I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your Grandmother. I don't believe there was anything wrong with how you responded. We all handle shock and grief differently. The point is, that you went to see her even though you had no idea what to say or do. You didn't do what was easiest and simply stay away. You showed your Grandmother that you had the courage to do what was right. I'm sure she is very proud of you.
Over time the grief will ease and be replaced by the fond memories that you shared with your Grandmother. I hope that transition occurs quickly for you.
May God Bless You,
Bill
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Post by maya on Jul 20, 2009 15:34:27 GMT
Dear Nicola.
It is always sad to loose someone who is close. I think you did very well and you do not need to regret. How sweet of you, young man! I can almost imagine how you think of your Nan and how you did your efforts.
Reading your post, I remembered the day when I have lost my father 3 years ago. It was hard for me to cope with it but what eased me was I was there at his side and able to hold his hand when he was passing away.
Love.
Maya.
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Joe
Administrator
Supporting Hayley since 2003!
Posts: 6,715 
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Post by Joe on Jul 21, 2009 3:28:24 GMT
Nicola,
I'm so sorry to learn of the loss of your dear Nan. My condolences to you and your family at this time of sorrow.
You did what you felt in your heart by visiting your grandmother. Your mere presence in that room and letting her know that you loved her, well, it spoke volumes.
There is nothing wrong with crying. One can't help but cry sometimes.
Keep your Nan in your memory, Nicola. But don't remember her when she was ill...remember those family times, those Christmases and birthdays spent together.
If you have time during your fortnight of jury duty, do send me a PM and we'll talk. I shall keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
With love "across the miles",
Joe
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Post by Sandy Wilderness Girl on Jul 21, 2009 4:26:05 GMT
Hey Hi Nicola....like to say how sorry i am to hear about u Nan hey.....I lost my fav aunty a couple of years ago hey...and like she was about the only person in the world I could talk to about anything....she solved so many issues for me being like a polio victim hey....and helping me through coping with my handicaps hey.....and I always regretted that I couldn’t be there close to her when she died hey....just keep u Nan in u heart hey....dont ever let that go...even if u talk to her hey....ill bet she’s listening ....I talk to my aunty hey....she would know you love her heaps hey....and Nicola...dont ever be ashamed to cry ok....more guys should let out there feelings hey...it just shows u feel things more deep inside u and that’s a awesome quality for a guy to have....im so proud hey of u that u have the courage to admit u feelings .....hang in there ok.....u Nan is beside u hey....just remember she loves u too and even tho she couldn’t respond hey...ill bet in her heart she was like bursting with love that u went to see her hey...that was so awesome that u did that on u own hey..feel free to PM me if i can help in any way hey...
Loves Ya Heaps
Sandyxxx
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Post by nicola on Jul 21, 2009 8:26:32 GMT
Hello everyone,
Thanks for all of your posts - they really have made me feel a lot better about my last visit. I have been too ashamed to tell any of my family how the visit went, but I did tell them that she recognised me, gave me her hand and gave me a little squeeze. That was the last time anyone saw her awake. She was visited by others, but she wasn't conscious. I guess I am lucky that I got to look into her eyes, and have her look back at me just one more time.
Joe - I have been excused from Jury Service due to "Emotional Vulnerability". They don't like to have grieving jurors. I will be called back at a later date.
On a little unimportant side note, why do two members here think I am a guy? "Nicola" is a girls name afterall! XD
Again, thanks everyone for your posts, you really have helped. x x
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Post by milewalker on Jul 21, 2009 13:21:21 GMT
Unless of course you are Nikola Tesla.....
My heart goes out to you in your loss.......as far as I can tell there is no "right" way to grieve.
Jon
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Post by Paddy on Jul 21, 2009 13:40:17 GMT
Hi Nicola,
My thoughts are with you too at this sad time.
Just remembering something someone said when my Mother died:
'Those who die go no further from us than our hearts .... and our hearts are very near.'
Keep your Nan always with you in your heart.
Paddy
P.S.
I think some people use 'guys' in conversation for both girls and guys.
Equality of the sexes perhaps?
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Post by pjrcorreia on Jul 21, 2009 13:41:50 GMT
Hi Nicola,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family in these hard times.
Love,
Paulo Correia
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Post by pjrcorreia on Jul 21, 2009 14:18:33 GMT
On a little unimportant side note, why do two members here think I am a guy? "Nicola" is a girls name afterall! XD Hi Nicola, In Italy as far as I know "Nicola" is a guy name! Paulo Correia |
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Post by Jono on Jul 21, 2009 14:42:12 GMT
On a little unimportant side note, why do two members here think I am a guy? "Nicola" is a girls name afterall! XD Hi Nicola, In Italy as far as I know "Nicola" is a guy name! Paulo Correia Hi Paulo, In New Zealand it is definitely a girls name! I have a cousin named Nicola, she would find this quite amusing. If anyone is unsure of gender, it does have the male and female on the side <<<< Cheers Jono |
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Post by Nordly on Jul 21, 2009 15:21:03 GMT
Hi Nicola,
I too am sorry for your loss, and prayed for you and your family last night.
I hope that your pain in missing her is eased soon. She's in a far better place right now.
~NL
PS I also know Nicola a female name
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