Joe
Administrator
Supporting Hayley since 2003!
Posts: 6,715 
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Post by Joe on Nov 23, 2005 2:46:14 GMT
Q: Why did the music teacher get locked in his classroom?
A: His keys were inside the piano!
Q: Why was the musician arrested?
A: Because he got in treble!
Q: What did the dentist give to the marching band?
A: A tuba toothpaste!
Q: How do you make a bandstand?
A: Take their chairs away!
Q: Why couldn't the athlete listen to his music?
A: Because he broke a record!
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Post by Richard on Nov 23, 2005 9:23:08 GMT
Hello Joe and everybody!  Talking of music jokes, you may be familiar with a strange piece by Mozart called "A Musical Joke". The last movement is well-known as the show-jumping theme on BBC TV. A few weeks ago I heard it on the radio, possibly Classic FM, and they told the story behind the piece. Apparently Mozart wasn't too impressed with some of the orchestras that played his works while he was alive, so he wrote a piece of rubbish that they couldn't make any worse!  Not a lot of people know that! i.postimg.cc/9fYxy370/smilie-big-grin.gifRichard  |
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Post by fusilier23 on Nov 23, 2005 23:08:27 GMT
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Post by gareth on Nov 23, 2005 23:29:42 GMT
OK and how about the cook on Ready Steady Cook who assisted Katherine Jenkins (who supplied the salmon ...) When asked how to describe his recipe, he called it: salmon chanted evening .... I thought that was really neat  (listen again if you missed that one ....) |
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Post by stevemacdonald on Feb 11, 2006 16:31:06 GMT
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wurlitzer.
Wurlitzer who?
Wurlitzer one for the money, two for the show ...
A UFO landed in Franz Schubert's backyard while he was hanging out the laundry to dry. An alien exited the spacecraft, approached the young composer and said, "Take me to your lieder."
What opera is it when you let the air out of Hayley's "Mickey" balloon?
Die Fledermaus.
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Post by Dave Gibson on Apr 8, 2006 13:00:32 GMT
When playing the scales C-Sharp or you will B-Flat.
TTFN,Dave Gibson
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Post by stevemacdonald on May 10, 2006 23:33:55 GMT
How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
The viola holds more beer.
You can tune the violin.
We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?
It's usually still in the case.
What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.
What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?"
Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.
How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.
Why is a viola solo like a bomb?
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.
Why do violists leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars?
So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.
Why don't violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Why do violists smile when they play?
Because ignorance is bliss and what they don't know can't hurt them.
How do you get a violin to sound like a viola?
Sit in the back and don't play.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What is the range of a Viola?
As far as you can kick it.
Why are violas so large?
It's an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large; just that the viola players' heads are so small.
Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?
Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
Drive-by viola recitals.
How many violists does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies?
Ten. One to stir the batter and nine to peel the M & M's.
What's the similarity between the Beatles and the viola section of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra?
Neither has played together since 1970.
Did you hear about the violist who played in tune?
Neither did I.
Why did the violist marry the accordion player?
Upward mobility.
How do you keep a violist from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
And my favorite:
A violist in an orchestra was crying and screaming at the oboe player sitting directly behind him. The conductor asked, "What are you so upset about?"
The violist replied "The oboist reached over and turned one of the pegs on my viola and now it's all out of tune!"
The conductor asked "Don't you think you're overreacting?"
The violist replied "I'm not overreacting! He won't tell me which one!"
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Post by comet on Apr 28, 2007 13:24:12 GMT
Whats the difference between an onion and an accordion ?
nobody cries when you cut up an accordion.
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Post by jons on Apr 29, 2007 13:49:32 GMT
What is white, cold, and has the blues? A snowman playing the saxophone! How do you know when a conductor is going mad? When he is two trumpets short of an orchestra! Why did the builder use rhythm sticks to attract customers? Because he wanted to 'drum up' trade! Those jokes are unique to me, so you know who to blame! |
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(listen again if you missed that one ....)
