Post by HWI on Jun 10, 2005 17:36:36 GMT
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer
"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer
"Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier."
- Anonymous Traffic Report
"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL
"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian
"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report
"Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists."
- Bangkok Post
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator
"City fathers were hoping to raise enough money to erect a new bronze statue of the Duck of Wellington."
- BBC commentator
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Next up is the Central African Republic located in central Africa."
- Bob Costas, during the parade of nations in the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney, Australia
"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets."
- British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea.
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"Where the hell is Australia anyway?"
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
- Budapest Zoo sign
"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"It's only puffy when it's swollen."
- Charlie Hough, Baseball player, describing his broken finger
"Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."
- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"
"As Deng's health is now failing, many matters have been passed to Wan Li, who despite his age is still alive."
- company report, China Inc.
"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.
"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
"Lack of brains hinders research."
- Columbus Dispatch, Headline
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars
"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"And now the sequence of events in no particular order."
- Dan Rather, television news anchor
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
"The places where I need work are on my inside and outside games."
- Darnell Hillman, professional basketball player
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield
"Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres."
- David Coleman, sportscaster
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
- David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation
"Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983
"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962
"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach
"Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon."
- Detroit Daily News
"What we have is two important values in conflict: freedom of speech and our desire for healthy campaigns and a healthy democracy. You can't have both."
- Dick Gephardt, Missouri representative
"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
"We are trying to change the 1974 Constitution, whenever that was passed."
- Donald Kennard, Louisiana state representative
"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not there?"
- Driver school applicant
"The world is more like it is now then it ever was before."
- Dwight Eisenhower
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
- Ernest Bevin, Former British foreign minister
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman
"Can you imagine if his mouth was open?"
- Fabio's Manager, upon learning her client had been struck in the nose by a bird.
"Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths."
- Frank Broyles, College football coach
"Boxing’s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.
"How can a guy this politically immature seriously expect to be president?"
- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., assessing John F. Kennedy's chances in the 1960 U.S. election
"You mean they've scheduled Yom Kippur opposite Charlie's Angels?"
- Fred Silverman, TV programmer, when told that Yom Kippur would fall on a Wednesday.
"There is no housing shortage in Lincoln today - just a rumor that is put about by people who have nowhere to live."
- G.L. Murfin, Mayor of Lincoln
"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White House was like by a student in East London
"...NATO and its allies and the United States."
- President George W. Bush Jr. (when he was governor), forgetting that the U.S. is in NATO
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of continents."
- George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor
- Alan Minter, Boxer
"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer
"Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier."
- Anonymous Traffic Report
"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL
"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian
"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report
"Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists."
- Bangkok Post
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator
"City fathers were hoping to raise enough money to erect a new bronze statue of the Duck of Wellington."
- BBC commentator
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Next up is the Central African Republic located in central Africa."
- Bob Costas, during the parade of nations in the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney, Australia
"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets."
- British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea.
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"Where the hell is Australia anyway?"
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
- Budapest Zoo sign
"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
"The team has come along slow but fast."
- Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"It's only puffy when it's swollen."
- Charlie Hough, Baseball player, describing his broken finger
"Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."
- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"
"As Deng's health is now failing, many matters have been passed to Wan Li, who despite his age is still alive."
- company report, China Inc.
"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.
"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
"Lack of brains hinders research."
- Columbus Dispatch, Headline
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars
"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
"And now the sequence of events in no particular order."
- Dan Rather, television news anchor
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
"The places where I need work are on my inside and outside games."
- Darnell Hillman, professional basketball player
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield
"Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres."
- David Coleman, sportscaster
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
- David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation
"Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983
"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962
"We're just physically not physical enough."
- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach
"Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon."
- Detroit Daily News
"What we have is two important values in conflict: freedom of speech and our desire for healthy campaigns and a healthy democracy. You can't have both."
- Dick Gephardt, Missouri representative
"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.
"We are trying to change the 1974 Constitution, whenever that was passed."
- Donald Kennard, Louisiana state representative
"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not there?"
- Driver school applicant
"The world is more like it is now then it ever was before."
- Dwight Eisenhower
"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
- Ernest Bevin, Former British foreign minister
"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman
"Can you imagine if his mouth was open?"
- Fabio's Manager, upon learning her client had been struck in the nose by a bird.
"Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths."
- Frank Broyles, College football coach
"Boxing’s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.
"How can a guy this politically immature seriously expect to be president?"
- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., assessing John F. Kennedy's chances in the 1960 U.S. election
"You mean they've scheduled Yom Kippur opposite Charlie's Angels?"
- Fred Silverman, TV programmer, when told that Yom Kippur would fall on a Wednesday.
"There is no housing shortage in Lincoln today - just a rumor that is put about by people who have nowhere to live."
- G.L. Murfin, Mayor of Lincoln
"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White House was like by a student in East London
"...NATO and its allies and the United States."
- President George W. Bush Jr. (when he was governor), forgetting that the U.S. is in NATO
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of continents."
- George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor
