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Post by Sing on Jul 21, 2009 16:23:11 GMT
hi i just wanted to share an experience, not a nice experience i had today whilst i was out shopping regularly with my mum...buying necessities for my holiday next month and well, ...i really need some cheering up!  today me and my mum went into town to go to the bank and to get some more clothes (not that we really need any more as we have almost 2 suitcases full!).... anyway, once we got out of the bank there were these two people who followed us around in each of the shops we went to after that-they were behind us in the bank queue...at first they just followed us around and i kept saying to my mum that they were followeing us because they kept on turning round and picking up anything that was in front of them, then putting it down again when they thought we weren't looking or when we walked further down the aisles in the shop. they were a man and a woman who weren't English...the woman then kept trying to stand in between me and my mum and was asking us something which we couldn't understand this was in the Entertainer shop as we were looking fror a board game for my sister, athe man was standin really close to my mum we managed to get away from them and went into WHSmiths and were looking at the magazines when they kept picking up any magazine they could grab from the shelves and kept asking how much it was, but they kept opening them into the middle page, which my mum said was suspicious afterwards.  my mum kept telling them to go away but they carried on round as we were trying to look for magazines to take with us on hooiday but we couldn't really concentrate!...then they tried again as they followed us round- i can't believe no-one noticed!!!- then my mum shouted at them to leave us alone and then they did- amazingly!but it as hard to get away from them because they kept on standing so close to my mum... im sorry if this is boring or anything, but i just felt so worried then- i almost had a panic attack- and coudn't breathe very well for a while - and they didn't even want anything to do with me-it was my mum they were interested in!! i still feel nervous about it..going out on my own too...i just needed to tell someone about it!!i feel soooooooo stupid now tho!!! i keep thinking why did they choose us of all the people in town...and why do i keep beating myself up about it?!!!  i'm so sorry that this message is so long- it's taken me about half an hour to type it!!! i hope every one else's day has been a lot better than mine...i need to relax and think about something else now...my mum told my sister which id ont' thnk she shouldn't have because now she is worried about what might have happened- as she had spent the whole day learning about knife crime which had also really scared her... best wishes SingXX |
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Post by roger on Jul 21, 2009 16:48:57 GMT
Hi Sing, What a strange and worrying tale. I don't suppose we will ever know why you were followed but don't worry too much about going out again in the next few days. If those people had wanted to do something really unpleasant, they would have done it. It didn;t happen and so there is no reason to believe you will ever see them again. Of course it would be sensible to keep your eyes peeled for a while but don't worry unduly about it. You have no reason to feel stupid. You reacted exactly the same way anybody would. It was a frightening experience and I can imagine how you are feeling right now. Try to relax this evening. Listen to Hayley or something. Best wishes  Roger |
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Post by Sing on Jul 21, 2009 17:15:21 GMT
hi Roger thank u for your reply, you've made me feel a lot better...i'm currently listening to my HSJS album on my mp3 player which is also making me feel better...much more relaxed...I think Hayley certainly can make you feel better no matter what's happened during the day!!! ![]() now i must remember to pack my MP3 player and Hayley CD's... i cannot possibly survive 2 weeks without them!  thank u again best wishes Susan |
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Post by roger on Jul 21, 2009 17:28:31 GMT
You're very welcome, Susan. Glad to be of help. It just so happens that I haven't had a very good day either. There are signs now that all will be well but I am feeling as though Hayley's soothing voice may be helpful. So I will join you in listening to HSJS. I will put it on right now. A very good choice.  Take care Roger |
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Post by grant on Jul 21, 2009 17:35:00 GMT
Hi Sing
What a worrying tale!
As Roger already said nothing happened and you may never know what, if anything, those people wanted.
All I would add is that, if you ever feel threatened or worried like that again, ask a shop assistant, preferably one at a counter, to call the police and stay put until they arrive.
Best wishes
Grant
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Post by nicola on Jul 21, 2009 17:53:52 GMT
Hello Sing,
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Worryingly for us women, it's something we have to learn to cope with. I have experienced a few things like that in my time and I am still only 24. None are pleasant. When things like this happen, stay in public places, keep close to other people, and threaten audibly and visually with your mobile phone, very clearly dialling 999. Most men will back off if you do that, because chances are, they already have a criminal record.
I am often criticised by friends and family for being cautious with men I don't know ("How will you meet new people?") but they are mostly male that say this to me. We are vulnerable, and we are targets. Always be on your guard. I have experienced far too many freaks in my time to trust any stranger. In my experience, the police get them to back off. Never be frightened to call the police. I felt incredibly stupid when I had to do it, but they are understanding, supportive, and would much rather prevent a crime then having to deal with one afterwards.
Some call me paranoid. I call it being safe. If I were you, I'd phone up the non-emergency police line and explain what happened. These men may be wanted for other crimes, and a description of behaviour and their appearence may help police link them to other cases they currently have or in the future.
Sorry for the dark reply.
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Post by Dean McCarten on Jul 21, 2009 20:33:34 GMT
Hi Sing, I'm sorry that this happened to you, unfortunately there are people like this in the world, who frankly have no honor or morals. I can't really add anymore to the excellent advice already been provided by previous members. Regards Dean Hi Nicola, Just a few points on your previous post: I am also sorry you have come across the men that give us all a bad name and you are right to be cautious, However I think I can safely say that some of us are still "Gentlemen". Now this one can still apply to us "Gentlemen" because everyone is a target to these group of people because there is no honor or moral code with them. I certainly wouldn't consider myself safe so I can understand why you feel slightly paranoid at times. I think some of the culture that exists today is due to the loss of such things as honor & morals of the past in modern society. I don't think your post was dark as such, but merely shows a sign of the times in which we live Cheers Dean |
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Post by nicola on Jul 21, 2009 21:25:53 GMT
Hello Dean,
I think I was referring to (but didn't want to directly say it) sexual predators. I don't really want to get into it, but women have a lot more to fear. That is not to say that men are not victims also, as I know a few situations where they have been. I won't go into that either. It's just women are easier targets. Not just for sexual attacks, but general things like mugging too, as we tend to be weaker.
I know gentlemen exist. Unfortunately, I don't take my chances with them, as I am suspicious of all male strangers. Sad, I know, but I only respond to experience. As you say, it's a sign of the times. I don't particularly want to back into 'past' society either. It's okay to get misty eyed about how beautifully women were treated, but the reality of it was, we weren't. I've read enough case studies of Victorian women to know that much. I don't think this is the right place to go into that either! XD
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Post by larryhauck on Jul 21, 2009 21:31:15 GMT
Hi Nicola,
Here's one man that would not criticize your being cautious. Unfortunately there are a lot of dangerous people out there. My advice would be to stay with men that you may have known or some of your trusted friends have known. Beware of married men out on the prowl and needless to say never take up with someone in a pub. I don't know how it is in the U K but in the US there are some reputable INTERNET dating services that do a good screening job.
If I were you I think I would hang around with my girlfriends and have fun at this stage of your young life.
Larry
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Post by larryhauck on Jul 21, 2009 21:39:21 GMT
Hi Sing,
Sorry to hear of your harrowing experience. It make one wonder what our world has become.
Perhaps you should use this incident as a reminder to always keep your guard up and your cell phone handy. Also if you're not familiar with particular area try to find out about it before you go there. Although this kind of thing can happen most anywhere.
Larry
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Post by nicola on Jul 21, 2009 21:43:45 GMT
Hello Larry,
Not a week goes by when I don't experience some guy being a complete freak with me. I think I might suffer this more than others as I am often out and about, as I walk my dog three miles a day (and it always happens when I'm walking the dog). Most people want to stop and talk about my dog (she's an extremely beautiful and rare breed, Alaskan Malamute), which is fine, guys too, but as soon as they talk about anything else, I'm off like a shot. :/
It's all rather sad, isn't it?
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Post by larryhauck on Jul 21, 2009 22:18:21 GMT
Hi Again Nicola,
This one is a little tougher. I love dogs and I will stop to greet any with a dog in tow. I'm old enough to be your grandfather so I wouldn't get personal with you. I think that you may be doing the right thing. But it's still hard for me to question the intentions of every man that admires your pooch. I guess you just have to be able to size the guy up. Also it would depend on just how personal he gets with his conversation. It's still a tough call and I think you should react in a way you feel comfortable with. Having said that I would caution you not to develop a paranoid attitude toward all men.
Larry
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Post by Jono on Jul 22, 2009 8:01:53 GMT
Hi Sing, I am very sorry to hear about your experience, but am glad it all turned out fine in the end... I think everyone else has given excellent advice. One thing I might add is that from your story it sounds like they were there to mug or rob your mother. They likely saw you both in the bank and targeted your mother for robbing once you reach a secluded spot...I think you both did an excellent thing by staying in shops and keeping in public. Also your mother did an excellent thing by shouting at them because that would have brought unwelcome attention to them which probably made them go away. Anyway, I'm sure these kinds of thugs can only operate by picking their targets randomly, so I'm sure you have nothing to worry about now! I listened to HSJS on the bus this morning, it is a really nice album, took my mind off the fact that I was taking a whole hour to travel 20kms in traffic. Hi Nicola and Larry, I read an article in this weeks edition of my university magazine which I found very interesting, and which is very much similar to the discussion going on here. Whether a man on the street should be trusted by women. This magazine is usually so full of TRASH, and this edition was even worse than the rest, but this particular article was a "breath of fresh air". I'm not saying that I completely agree with it, I just found it interesting. If you are interested you can have a read here Cheers Jono |
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Post by nicola on Jul 22, 2009 8:32:33 GMT
Hello Jono, I don't fully understand where that article went. What was her point? I think we all know that men are individuals, as she spends several paragraphs pointing out, but she doesn't really offer a solution to stop treating strange men as sexual predators, does she? I mean, her conclusion is 'Treat all men fairly and equal', when the paragraph before she says it's more costly to assume a man harmless and getting it wrong than the other way round. It seemed to me as if she was saying "This is how it is. Oh, it's so unfair. Oh well, that's life!" Indeed. It's good that it's being addressed, and being addressed by a woman, but... she doesn't really have anything to say about it. Unless I have missed the glaring point of that article.  Thanks for posting Jon. |
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Post by Jono on Jul 22, 2009 8:55:17 GMT
Hi Nicola,
No, I think you are right, the article didn't seem to draw any conclusions apart from - life sucks!
Although I guess the writer was trying to challenge females to change their perspective on males, while also avoiding the guilt of causing them to talk to strangers they shouldn't have...lol ...actually that's not funny at all..
After re-reading the article I can see another flaw with it. She seems to think the stereotype of "strangers in the night" broadens out to males in general. Which isn't true (I don't think). I'm sure in the right context most women would let their defenses down.
I do agree that the stereotype of male strangers is a lot worse than female strangers, but I think that is justified. I think if you looked up stats on those kinds of crimes they would support those stereotypes.
Like I said, I don't 100% agree with the article, it was just an interesting read.
Cheers
Jono
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