Post by HWI on Jun 19, 2005 12:30:59 GMT
"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
- Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant.
"I'm convinced the Beatles are partly responsible for the fall of Communism."
- Milos Forman, Film director
"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she would want to live forever.
"The Lybian army is capable of destroying America and breaking its nose."
- Muammar Qaddafi, Libyian President
"A 'No Parking' sign at a certain location means..."
- multiple choice question on NY State learner's permit test
"Except for his car, he's the only man on the track."
- Murray Walker, Sportcaster
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
- Murray Walker, Sportscaster
"I think you can't repeat the first time of something..."
- Natalie Imbrulia, Singer, on her Grammy nomination
"Danny, as you know, was hospitalized last week after complaining about chest and sideburns."
- Ned Martin, Sportscaster
"That's just the tip of the ice cube."
- Neil Hamilton, BBC2
"The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet."
- Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.
"It is thought that Raj Mohammed Poselay was beaten to death, possibly during a family fun day in the park."
- Newspaper, Wolverton Express & Star (UK)
"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony
"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."
- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane.
"I've seen 'Much Ado About Nothing' three times. It's a great play that's full of humor... I'm not used to that kind of culture and stuff."
- Pamela Lee, Actress, commenting on Kenneth Branagh's film of the Shakespearean play
"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
"Good looking people turn me off. Myself included."
- Patrick Swayze, Actor
"If people get a kick out of running down pedestrians, you have to let them do it."
- Paul Jacobs, marketing director for a video game company
"Hey cabbie, could you turn that thing down a hundred disciples?"
- Paul Owen, Baseball player complaining about the radio being too loud
"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
- Pedro Guerrero, Baseball player, on reporters
"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game."
- Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player
"The FA are still optimistic about England's bid to stage the World Cup in twenty thousand and six."
- Peter Snow, BBC2 anchorman
"And the ball is out here. No, it's not. Yes it is. No, it's not. What happened."
- Phil Rizzuto, NY Yankees announcer
"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
"Can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."
- Police detective questioning a wounded officer
"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
"Mando Machinery Corporation is the undisputed leader in Korea automotive pants industry."
- Press Release from Korean firm
"Man thought hurt, but slightly dead."
- Providence Journal Headline
"Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine."
- Radio news announcer
"All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium."
- Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster
"We'll be back with the recrap after this message."
- Ralph Kiner, Mets sportscaster
"In the hunt to buy the San Francisco Giants was George Shinn, owner of the Charlotte Harlots."
- Ralph Kiner, Mets broadcaster
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- Ray Forsythe, Clemson recruit, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
"While sitting in a tavern, someone hit my nose from behind."
- reason given for insurance claim
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"Mattie's Restaurant and Yoghurt Palace, 'An alternative to Good Eating'"
- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas
"I didn't accept it. I received it."
- Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to former President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.
"Mr. Milosevic has to be careful. The calendar is ticking."
- Richard Haas, NBC News consultant
"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner.
"Danger Slow Men At Work"
- Road sign in Brunei
"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27
"There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964."
- Roger Daltrey, Singer/Actor
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
- Ron Atkinson
"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
- Ron Atkinson
"Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is."
- Ron Fairley, Giants broadcaster
"Facts are stupid things."
- Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President
"He's passe. Nobody cares about Mickey anymore. There are whole batches of Mickeys we just can't give away. I think we should phase him out."
- Roy Disney, Walt Disney's brother, 1937
"Elephants Please Stay In Your Car."
- Safari park sign
"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
- Samuel Goldwyn
"Man Breaks Leg In Fall Off Bride."
- St. Louis Disptach Headline (should have read "bridge.")
"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
- Samuel Goldwyn
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether her had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
Young defiant teenage boy:
'No one is going to tell me what to do, I'm going to join the Marines'.
- Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant.
"I'm convinced the Beatles are partly responsible for the fall of Communism."
- Milos Forman, Film director
"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she would want to live forever.
"The Lybian army is capable of destroying America and breaking its nose."
- Muammar Qaddafi, Libyian President
"A 'No Parking' sign at a certain location means..."
- multiple choice question on NY State learner's permit test
"Except for his car, he's the only man on the track."
- Murray Walker, Sportcaster
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
- Murray Walker, Sportscaster
"I think you can't repeat the first time of something..."
- Natalie Imbrulia, Singer, on her Grammy nomination
"Danny, as you know, was hospitalized last week after complaining about chest and sideburns."
- Ned Martin, Sportscaster
"That's just the tip of the ice cube."
- Neil Hamilton, BBC2
"The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet."
- Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.
"It is thought that Raj Mohammed Poselay was beaten to death, possibly during a family fun day in the park."
- Newspaper, Wolverton Express & Star (UK)
"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony
"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."
- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane.
"I've seen 'Much Ado About Nothing' three times. It's a great play that's full of humor... I'm not used to that kind of culture and stuff."
- Pamela Lee, Actress, commenting on Kenneth Branagh's film of the Shakespearean play
"If only faces could talk..."
- Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
"Good looking people turn me off. Myself included."
- Patrick Swayze, Actor
"If people get a kick out of running down pedestrians, you have to let them do it."
- Paul Jacobs, marketing director for a video game company
"Hey cabbie, could you turn that thing down a hundred disciples?"
- Paul Owen, Baseball player complaining about the radio being too loud
"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
- Pedro Guerrero, Baseball player, on reporters
"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game."
- Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player
"The FA are still optimistic about England's bid to stage the World Cup in twenty thousand and six."
- Peter Snow, BBC2 anchorman
"And the ball is out here. No, it's not. Yes it is. No, it's not. What happened."
- Phil Rizzuto, NY Yankees announcer
"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
"Can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."
- Police detective questioning a wounded officer
"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
"Mando Machinery Corporation is the undisputed leader in Korea automotive pants industry."
- Press Release from Korean firm
"Man thought hurt, but slightly dead."
- Providence Journal Headline
"Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine."
- Radio news announcer
"All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium."
- Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster
"We'll be back with the recrap after this message."
- Ralph Kiner, Mets sportscaster
"In the hunt to buy the San Francisco Giants was George Shinn, owner of the Charlotte Harlots."
- Ralph Kiner, Mets broadcaster
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- Ray Forsythe, Clemson recruit, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
"While sitting in a tavern, someone hit my nose from behind."
- reason given for insurance claim
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"Mattie's Restaurant and Yoghurt Palace, 'An alternative to Good Eating'"
- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas
"I didn't accept it. I received it."
- Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to former President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.
"Mr. Milosevic has to be careful. The calendar is ticking."
- Richard Haas, NBC News consultant
"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner.
"Danger Slow Men At Work"
- Road sign in Brunei
"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27
"There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964."
- Roger Daltrey, Singer/Actor
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."
- Ron Atkinson
"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
- Ron Atkinson
"Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is."
- Ron Fairley, Giants broadcaster
"Facts are stupid things."
- Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President
"He's passe. Nobody cares about Mickey anymore. There are whole batches of Mickeys we just can't give away. I think we should phase him out."
- Roy Disney, Walt Disney's brother, 1937
"Elephants Please Stay In Your Car."
- Safari park sign
"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
- Samuel Goldwyn
"Man Breaks Leg In Fall Off Bride."
- St. Louis Disptach Headline (should have read "bridge.")
"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
- Samuel Goldwyn
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether her had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
Young defiant teenage boy:
'No one is going to tell me what to do, I'm going to join the Marines'.